8 Conflict Resolution Skills for Your Romantic Relationships
Don’t avoid the fact that there is an alligator in the room!
Conflicts are an inescapable part of nearly all relationships. Resolving the conflict is an arduous task. You might feel that hiding conflict under the carpet will save your energy and time. But avoiding the resolution of the conflict will build resentment and erode the relationship.
Avoiding the fact that there is a conflict brewing(which needs to be addressed)between you two is the same as overlooking the fact that there is an alligator sitting and sipping the tea in your living room!!
If the conflict resolution is not handled well, it can escalate the friction and can begin the genesis of a catastrophe in the relationship. So for those who find conflict resolution difficult, here are a few tips to make it less stressful and manageable:
Try to find the root cause of conflict
Sit with yourself first and learn about your thoughts and feelings. Be clear so that when you sit together to resolve conflict you don’t have to beat around the bush and bring up ghosts from the past.
Choose your battles wisely
Attack the problem, not the person. It is not healthy to blame everything on your partner. Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize where you realize you went wrong.
Create an environment for healthy and open communication
Create an environment so that both parties can open up and talk freely without hesitation. Be clear and assertive but without being aggressive.
Peace is not the absence of conflict; it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.— Ronald Reagan
Agree to disagree
When you are in a relationship it feels good to look agreeable all the time. But in a healthy relationship, this formula will not work. You have to be true to yourself and your partner. Being true may look like — “I know you have a conflicting view regarding my startup idea, this but this is important for me”.
If you feel like you can’t express your views about important matters, like your personal goals, money, or anything that scares or matters to you, then it is a sign that your relationship is not on the desired track.
Know that conflict resolution can't be done in haste
There is no fixed timeline for conflict resolution in an informal setting. It may take some time for both of you to open up.
You may find it necessary to sit and talk more than a couple of times as conflict resolution is a process, a journey. Every process takes time so you have to know that conflict resolution may also require some time.
Take breaks if needed
If you find that the anger and resentment are building up beyond a point- don’t feel hesitant to excuse yourself for time being. You will need some downtime and that is okay.
The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers. — M. Scott Peck
Be prepared to listen with patience
It’s vital to understand your partner’s perspective. Sometimes we are so caught up in our head that we fail to listen to what the other person is trying to tell us.
Be willing to listen with patience because your partner would raise their concerns and your ego may build a defensive wall against it. It’s okay to put your guard down for some time with your partner.
Check your words
Refrain from speaking hurtful words on purpose. Don’t take advantage of someone else’s vulnerabilities.
When you talk, don’t say things that would trigger trauma response and anxiety in them. You should not take advantage of such vulnerable points otherwise the relationship would go in a downward spiral, ultimately destroying everything!
Resolving conflict is not an easy task. It will take your willingness and clear intentions from both parties. You will have to sit across and talk. It may take time but you will be able to resolve the conflict and reach a middle ground if you make an effort for it.
It takes two to keep the marriage vow. It takes two to have an agreement. It takes two to resolve conflict. Bottom line? Both of you need to want to work it out.— Tabitha M.