How I Finally Left My Narcissist Husband

I believed he would change even after he punched me. The real problem was me, and my inability to leave. Was I addicted to his abuse?

I married him when I was only 19 years old. My parents believed he was perfect for me, and I would be settled for life.

I was young and naive. I had no opinion; even if I had, it did not matter. So, I tied the knot like a good little girl.

At that time I was pursuing my degree in business. He ‘allowed’ me to complete my studies. However, when I asked him if I could continue my internship, he blatantly said no.

If I argued, he would turn violent or completely shut me off. By this time, I was used to that so I comprised my needs just to keep the peace.

When I obeyed him and demonstrated submissiveness, he remained calm and sweet. But God forbid, if I ever expressed a contradictory view or took my stand, all hell would break loose.

I had to ask permission for everything. He did not like when I dressed a bit too fancy, or when I made plans with my friends or family. He kept tabs on me and picked up a fight every time I went out.

So, I just stopped. Apparently, my happiness or achievements made him uncomfortable and I could never figure out why.

I was lonely and isolated. Once a chirpy girl, I was now dull and tired. I had lost weight, my skin was dull, I was losing a lot of hair and I frequently fell sick.

This continued for 7 years. I would often fight with myself in my head, asking why I could not leave him. I even did, but somehow he managed to win me back.

I knew it was not love. Love does not feel this way. Somewhere I had become addicted to the hot-and-cold cycle. I waited for the good days when he would show love and affect me. But these good days got lesser and lesser until one day I finally came to my senses.

I have PCOS so it was normal for me to not get my periods. But this time, my intuition told me otherwise. I took a pregnancy test and found out that I was 3 months pregnant.

I was scared and excited to share the news with him. I could not predict his reaction. However, there was a little hope in me that having a baby would change things.

I bought a tiny jumpsuit which said, ‘HI DAD’. I put it in a small bag along with the pregnancy test and handed it to him.

He looked at it, shoved it in the bag, then looked at me and said, ‘Get it aborted’.

I felt that the earth beneath me was shaking. My vision was clouded, I felt light-headed, and soon I fainted.

When I woke up, I found out that he had paid the doctors to abort my child. I was unconscious for 32 hours.

This was my wake-up call! As soon as I came back home, I packed my bags and left him. I booked a train to my hometown and never looked back.

He called me a million times, tried convincing my family, and even dragged his family into his sad little drama. But this time I was determined. I could not go back to that hell.

After I left him, I had to take therapy for PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder). I used to have nightmares, and flashbacks, and sudden noises made me panic.

I also struggled with insomnia, and long crying spells.

It took a lot of courage, willpower, and support to overcome those 7 years of abuse. After 13 months of therapy and many relapses, I healed and recovered from my narcissistic ex-husband.

I know many women and men have had worse than me. Sadly, a lot of them might still be stuck in the abusive relationship. I have been there, and I know how challenging it is to ‘just leave’.

I would urge and encourage them to seek professional support. Personally, for me, Hypnotherapy and Healing worked tremendously well. There was so much pain, guilt, shame, and anger buried inside me. It helped me to release them, and find deep healing.

At present, I am happier and healthier. I have started gaining weight and taking better care of myself.

I made it out alive, and I genuinely pray that if anybody is stuck in a similar situation, even they can find the courage to leave and reclaim their lives.