How to move on after a breakup? Relationship therapist gives 5 life-changing advice
“For how long will it hurt? Will I ever feel better?” Ben asked his relationship therapist. He sat there on the chair looking dejected and hopeless like his entire world had come crashing down but then again it had.
This was 6 months back.
Fast-forward to today, Ben is a stronger and happier man. He takes pride in the way he chose to handle his break-up and now that he looks back he can understand the importance of going through the most difficult phase of his life. And he give a lot of that credit to his relationship therapist.
In the last session of the therapy with his relationship therapist, Ben shared his incredible journey of healing and moving on.
“My heart is a bit heavy because in all these sessions I have developed a bond with you. I learned so much from here. I remember the first time I had come and I could not stop crying but now I feel so positive and in control of my life. That feeling of emptiness has really gone and I am so grateful to you for that”
Ben’s journey of healing and moving on from his past relationship even touched the heart of his relationship therapist. It was humbling to see how happy and peaceful he had become now.
Relationships occupy the most important part of our lives. The relationship we share with family, friends, partners, strangers, and even ourselves shape us into the person we are today.
Ben was in a relationship for 4 years. Of course, love should not be calculated as per the duration but being with someone for four years naturally had a significant impact on Ben.
He loved her with all his heart. There was literally nothing he would not do for her. Her happiness was his priority and he took care of even the smallest of things. She was his best friend. They did everything together and every moment spent with her was its own piece of heaven for ben.
Of course, they had their fair share of flights and conflicts but in his deepest of hearts, Ben knew that they will be okay.
“It was really difficult, you know? To just forget all the beautiful memories we once shared. And what angered me, even more, was how could she just move on like it meant nothing to her. I really felt betrayed and worthless for a long time”
“Ben’s emotions were very human. Many people feel like they were the only ones who had truly loved and invested time and effort into the relationship. And when someone leaves, it is natural to feel and overthink about what you could have done more or what if you had done this…
Not just that. Breakups bring a lot of inner turmoil and conflicts. It is important to have support during those days. Unfortunately, a lot of people even succumb to depression and self-harm” says the Relationship therapist.
The relationship therapist further adds, “Is it possible to move on completely on your own? As a relationship expert, I have spent years studying and observing human relationships. I have had my fair share of romantic relationships and breakups.
And whatever I have understood so far is that connection and touch are common needs of any living being. Being okay on your own is great but you also need someone to talk to you, someone you can rely on, and someone who shares the good and bad parts of your life.
So yes, don’t get swept away by all those quotes on Instagram. Take your own time and pace to heal from the relationship. However, here are some things you can do to feel better and happy again:
1.Sit with your feelings. You might have joined the gym, gone running in the early morning hours, or drowned yourself in work. All these things help but when your head hits the pillow and you are left all alone, it all comes rushing back.
Instead, during the day take out some time to intentionally to feel your feelings and think instead of running away from them. Let all the pain come out because only then it will leave.
2. Be selfish. They have moved on. Whether they are happy or not, or when will karma catch up should really not be your concern. Right now your only concern is to take care of YOURSELF.
3. Block them from all social media. Nope, you don’t have to see their honeymoon pictures. You are already having a hard time, you don’t have to purposely put yourself through hell again.
4. Go for therapy. It seriously helps. For how long will your friends and family keep listening to you? Therapy gives you a safe space to explore and express your feelings and thoughts. Your therapist will guide you to shift your perspective and how to create a better life for yourself.
5. Get in touch with reality. Remind yourself that you are the main character of your life and if you want you can write your own story. Take a little ownership and responsibility for your life. This basically means that consciously take steps that add positivity to your life and avoid actions that increase your sadness.
For instance, I used to listen to very sad songs, and then I realized they are only making me miss him even more. I stopped dwelling on actions that add zero value to my life.
Look, there will be a lot of advice and suggestions on the internet and from your loved ones, but trust me, your heart and soul knows what it needs to find peace and happiness again.
Just don’t suppress your pain, please don’t do that to yourself. Let it all out and then let it all go”
Ben’s life completely changed when his girlfriend left him with a simple text, “I cannot do this anymore. I hope you understand”. He tried chasing her but, in his heart, he knew that he was fighting a losing battle and only disrespecting himself.
The days that followed his break-up were some of the toughest days of his life. He was not able to eat, his head was always clouded with a million thoughts and he was losing his confidence and the will to live.
If it was not for therapy, ben’s misery would have continued. Fortunately, he decided to take control of his life and choose to heal himself rather than continue to feel bad about himself.
The initial days of therapy were not easy for Ben. He had to accept his pain, vulnerability, and the fact that his relationship was over for good. Gradually, he found acceptance and actively worked on improving his life.
The relationship therapist gave him the support and guidance he needed to strengthen his mindset and find the lost peace and happiness again in his life.
Ben’s story could have had a bitter ending too. But his one decision of taking therapy turned his life around and helped him to move on from someone he deeply loved once upon a time.