My Wife Cheated On Me With Her Ex- What Should I Do?

Theholisticliving
5 min readMay 23, 2024

My wife and I have been married for 6 years. A few months back I found out that my wife cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend.

Sadly, it did not come as a shock to me. I had almost predicted this.

Our marriage was facing many issues for the last couple of years. We had constant fights over money matters, argued about our families, and turned silly issues into gruesome battles.

Both of us were exhausted and weary. Yet, we chose to keep silent about it and carry on with our relationship like nothing had happened.

The biggest mistake couples make, says expert therapist Mr. Sanjeev Mittal, is sweeping issues under the carpet. Ignorance is not always bliss. If couples are facing repeated problems and tension then they must take active steps to understand and resolve them.

My wife and I had many unresolved issues which led to feelings of resentment, hurt, and disappointment. After some point, we even stopped arguing! Our relationship had turned cold turkey.

The only conversations we shared were about groceries or bills. We had even stopped sharing a bed as I had to work late hours and she was supposed to leave early for work.

Let me give a little context here. My wife and I married young. She was studying Medicine and I was building my business. It was a whirlwind romance, and the rush of young love had us convinced that we could make a marriage work.

Marriage, however, is a tough commitment. The good days are amazing but what really tests the bond are the bad days. My wife and I are of the same age, and we had many ego clashes. Our fights were only about proving ourselves right rather than solving the problem as a couple.

According to research done by Mr. Sanjeev Mittal, lack of emotional maturity is the prime contributor to marital tension. Couples must work on their selves to be able to come stronger together in the relationships.

(Learn how marriage counseling can help partners develop emotional maturity)

I was not surprised when I found out that my wife cheated on me. However, I felt deeply hurt and regretful. Would it have been better if she had been honest about her feelings? Definitely yes! Nothing justifies infidelity, yet it proved to be a wake-up call for us.

That night we talked till dawn. We had a heart-to-heart conversation after ages and somehow it felt quite relieving. My wife admitted that it was an unfortunate decision and she regretted it with her whole heart. She also confessed that our passive marriage had pushed her to the edge.

She had buried her anger and disappointment toward me as she felt unseen and misunderstood.

I confronted my wife that it would be difficult to trust again IF we decided to continue our relationship. I admitted that our marriage had become dull, tiring, and stagnant. However, that still was no excuse to cheat.

After my wife cheated on me, I moved out to a rented apartment to gather my thoughts and process my feelings. It was better to give each other space and time.

A week later, my wife and I went for marriage counseling at Holistic Living Wellness Center in Chembur, Mumbai. We saw no other way to resolve and revive our bond.

Marriage counseling began a long journey to rebuilding trust and understanding our marriage at a deeper level.

Was it easy?

No way! For the first 3 sessions, my wife and I fought like cats and dogs. There were multiple breakdowns, accusations, yelling, and a lot of crying. We are grateful to our marriage counselor who always remained patient, unbiased, and comforting.

Then began the phase where we explored our marriage and the underlying issues. The marriage counselor encouraged us to remain open-minded and empathetic. Gradually, we learned to accept and understand each other’s perspectives without projecting our fears and defenses.

We realized that marriage is never ME v/s YOU, but US! We were supposed to create a marriage that shields us from the world’s troubles. And here we were… making our marriage the biggest trouble.

(Read: 9 Reasons You Need Marriage Counseling)

It was an uphill battle to shed our egos, adopt a broader perspective, and admit our faults. I am glad we persevered because that helped us grow so much as individuals as well as a couple.

The marriage counselor’s therapeutic tools, compassionate guidance, and practical strategies transformed our relationship completely. It helped us build a strong foundation based on mutual trust, respect, understanding, and emotional maturity.

Infidelity can hit a relationship hard. It makes you question everything. In my case, infidelity slapped me out of my slumber and forced me to see the reality of my marriage. It proved to be a turning point for us.

Yes, my wife cheated on me and yes, it rocked our marriage. But I am happy that we did not give up on each other.

My wife constantly reassures me through her words and actions. I consciously make an effort to keep her happy and avoid bringing up the past.

Honestly, I believe it was possible only through marriage counseling at Holistic Living Wellness Center. Otherwise, we probably would have separated and landed in another troubling relationship.

Infidelity may never be supported or justified. However, in the context of marriages or long-term relationships, it is often advisable to seek marriage counseling to understand the key factors leading to infidelity.

This can help the couple identify and change any unhealthy patterns of thoughts and behaviors that negatively impact the marriage.

Marriage counseling empowers couples to build better communication, learn effective problem-solving skills, and move beyond their egos to create a mutually satisfying relationship.

In some cases, marriage counseling helps couples end their relationship with mutual respect, integrity, and choice.

--

--

Theholisticliving

Online premier wellness community offering Therapy, Counselling, Healing and Coaching. A collective effort toward improving your mind, body, and soul.